I want you forever Mummy

As I was putting the kids to bed....after a bit of a battle and getting cranky with Lucy for messing with the blinds I gave her what felt like the qaudroupleth hug and kiss.

Lucy LOVE's affection. She has always been my cuddly, snuggle baby.

As I was hugging and kissing her she asked me to stay in bed with her. Like she wanted to take me to bed along side her precious stuffed friends Baby Ana, her beloved Cabbage Patch doll, Ducky, her first attachment item from 8 months of age , Piggle, Iggle Piggle off the night Garden, and dear old Molly who is a red haired fabric doll and was Micah's first attachment item from 15 months.

I said I had to go and she said while holding my neck "I want you forever Mummy".

Her words melted my heart.

I am still her number one most favourite person.

It is amazing her love for me and mine for her. Despite all the mistakes I continue to make.  Including earlier that day when I quickly, without taking time to think it through, tossed her friends out of the room to punish her for not being quiet at nap time.

She gasped and started to cry. My heart broke as I remembered back to how I felt so close to my attachment item Sheepie...who was strangely a sheepskin boot. Sheepie was real to me and so are her friends to her.

I went back soon after and told her I was sorry. With her watching I kissed each friend and told each one I was sorry. This made her feel much better. I still felt bad for quite some time after.

In the last week I have been quite a frazzled Mummy. I have had to be quite firm with the kids. Especially Micah. I had to follow through with punishments.

Yet even though it has been quite a heavy week of training, homeschooling, tears from everyone but Jeremy,  taking care of kids who have tested my authority and have been slightly ill.  I still want them forever !

I am so thankful to God for them. I pray for their protection continually. I also pray for God's help to raise them alongside of Jeremy. I pray to not be so hard on myself so I am not so hard on them. I pray for moments to breathe in God's presence that will filter down to them.

I pray they will see that their Mummy is not perfect and desperately needs God every day. I pray that they will learn from me how to run into God's throneroom of grace for themselves one day to find mercy and help in time of need.

I desperately pray as I type this that one day they will know deep in their hearts the love of God and that He will always, no matter what they have done ... want them forever !