A sad miscarriage

I am very nervous of comments that brush you off like 'it was meant to be' or 'you have 2 others to be thankful for' or 'you'll fall pregnant again'.  All of these comments hurt and make me feel like my right to grieve the loss of Pinenut, my very valued and loved 3rd child is minimalised.   It makes me feel like Pinenut is not worthy of grieving over.   There has only been one who has spoken like this to me and that is a neighbour who I barely see.  I just do not know how to respond to that.  Any ideas?  Oh and I also find 'keep your chin up' comments hard too.  That comment is big in Australia, and it makes you feel really silly for being sad at all.  But of course I am sad, and sad is ok. Fortunately for me I did grief share training at MAG right after my nephew died at age 9 in '09'.  They taught me it was ok to grieve.  The bible says that 'Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted'.  I learned to give myself permission to grieve and that if you do not grieve it is unhealthy.  Stuffing it down will only cause you to be angry later on.  I also learned through both grief share and the Crisis Intervention training I did through Christ in Action that miscarriage is one of the worst handled grief's there is.  Most people do not acknowledge it is a real loss.  But it is!  Life begins at conception and life is precious to God from the moment the tiny egg is fertilized right up until late adulthood.   Chaplain Gary Evan's who instructed the Crisis Intervention Training taught us quite a lot on grief and how to treat the bereaved.  But it is hard when YOU are the one who has had a loss.  My church has been so kind, the ones I have told have been sorry for my loss.  Sarah Cleeves even brought me flowers and a card.  She sat with me all afternoon while I cried and told her my story.  I told her my fears about dealing with people right now when I am down.  She listened and accepted me where I was at.


The above was words were typed soon after my 1st miscarraige. Probably in Early February 2012, about a year ago. The 1st one I could handle. The 2nd miscarriage where we lost Macadamia Nut was even more painful. I lost Macadamia Nut in April 2012.

It has been a hard journey. Yet it is one I need to be able to express and get off my chest. It is still very sad for me to blog about my losses. I thought I could wait till I was pregnant again. But I have been unable to conceive again and am still waiting /hoping/ praying to.

I need to be able to move forward, never forget, but type other blog posts. I can only do that once I have given my 2 babies in heaven a good, heartfelt farewell.