The post below is a dedication to Baby Pinenut. Who passed away at 4 weeks, around the 21st of January 2012.
Dear Baby Pinenut, You were so loved, treasured and valued by Mummy and Daddy. We will see you in heaven one day. Mummy misses you more than words can describe. I want you to know how much I wanted you and rejoiced over you in the words I write below.
Monday the 16th of January, 2012 I thought I was about to get my period as I had slight spotting. So I went to the doctor's on Tuesday the 17th. I figured maybe I better go and get a check up as to why my periods were a little irregular and to ask why I was so emotional. I was very teary the past weekend, more than I usually am right before my period. The doc took a pregnancy test as I told her we were not trying to have a baby but were not stopping it either. It was early as my period was not due till the 20th or 21st. My last period was on the 23rd of Dec and my cycles were at 28 days or less, they have been getting closer together yet still 7-10 days long, rather annoying. I told her we were open to having another baby soon as we wanted to be done having kids b4 my Mum really needed more help when she gets even older.
I told Doctor Erin about our big move back to Australia and how we moved here to care for my elderly mother. She looked quite wide eyed as I told her about our struggles including Jeremy's hardship in finding work. I knew she was going to mention tactics for handeling and recovering from stress after I told her my story.
I did a pregnancy test. She took a quick look at it and told me it was negative. I was expecting it to be negative so it was no surprise. We then went on with the rest of the apt and she recommended I go back on the pill. To regulate my period which might be wacky due to stress. I did not like the idea of that, as how do you know if it forces your body to discard a fertilized or unfertilized egg?? My friend Nikki opened me up to this idea when I first went off the pill before having Micah. She had a good point! I have been on the pill from age 15 till 27 on and off. It eventually made my health worse. I had to go on a sugar free diet for 7 months to restore my health again. No more cramps and heavy periods. My immune system got stronger too...bonus! It was hard yet totally worth it! So I wanted something a bit more natural.
The doc was so lovely though and was willing to work with me and what I was comfortable with. Rather than push her agenda. I did agree with her on recommending I get more exercise, 20 min walk a day and maybe consider anti-depressants. But I can not bring myself to take anti-depressants. She said maybe I will get better in time too. Once we feel more settled, which takes time. Also to get counselling.
So I got home from the doctor's office and the doctor rang me. I was so nervous when she said it was Dr Erin, was I not ok? Did the blood test show there was something wrong with me? She said that she looked at the pregnancy test again and there was a faint second line. 2 lines mean you are pregnant, or a positive result. 1 line means a negative result and that you are not pregnant. So even a faint 2nd line means you are still pregnant and the results have a pretty high accuracy rating.
Today I found out from the doctor's office that I am pregnant. I got my blood test result back and it was a low positive. I asked the nurse what does low positive mean? She did not seem to know, but said I am still pregnant. I thought she was referring to the urine test, she did not know about the urine test. So both tests confirmed I was pregnant. I asked how do I tell my husband this? She said I am pregnant and I that I need to book a follow up apt with the doc for a referral for my pre-natal care.
So here I am pregnant! I am so excited, yet of course nervous, but VERY happy!!! I always wanted more than 2 kids. From the time I was 6, I wanted 6 kids, yet Jeremy and I agreed on 3 or 4. So Jeremy got home and at first we argued a little over his work shirts. Any ways it was a petty lil argument, but I got a lil defensive. Then he finally asked me if I was pregnant as he knew I would have gotten the word back on my blood test. I told him I was and we hugged and suddenly it felt real. We were both happy, he had a huge smile on his face. We have always given our kids a womb name as we did not want to just call it the 'baby'. So Micah was Peanut, Lucy was Gumnut as we found out I was pregnant on an Australian vacation June 09, and this one is Pinenut. Jeremy chose the name as the pinenut was the smallest nut we could think of, I was only 3 weeks along. I looked it up later and found the nut was American, which is pretty special since we are able to acknowledge America too. Even though this kid will not be born in America like his or her siblings were.
Jeremy took a pic of me, I was very tired yet very dreamy about being pregnant again. I just spent ages before the pic was taken looking at pics of the kids. Admiring how cute it was when Lucy was learning to stand, crawl, play with Micah and dreamed about what it will be like with a 3rd. I also signed Pinenut up on BabyCentre.com. I had never signed the other 2 kids up on BabyCenter this early along in my pregnancy before so this was quite exciting. I read as much as I could about Pinenut at 3 weeks gestation. I even read 'Life Unto Life, Fetal Growth and Development' mini book by Jamie Eloise Bolane. A book I got from Birth Care, my birthing centre where I had both my kids in America. I also read 'the first 9 months' mini book with real close up 4D pics of life inside the womb, by Focus on the Family. Well I actually read the 2-4 weeks parts to study Pinenut's growth as I read the entire mini books a few weeks ago.
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| Looking up Pinenut's development on babycentre.com. I was SOOO tired yet so very excited! |
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| Tracking Pinenut's early growth and development |
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| Pinenut was somewhere in the traveling through my Fallopian tube stage....I think |
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| The whole development of a baby fascinates me. What a beautiful, God orchestrated process! |
Lucy loves babies so she unlike her brother will be very interested in the new baby. Micah loved Lucy but lost interest quick when he learned she could not play with him. But after taking Lucy to a 7 week old's house the other day she just loved to play with the baby. Well she could not play with him but she wanted to put a blanket on him, stick a dummy in his mouth, give him his bottle, pass him a toy etc. It was so precious to watch yet a lil concerning too as I did not want her to hurt him. She thinks blankets need to go over the face. Well that is what she does with her baby dolls and they don't mind. Ahhhh!!! So I was on her like a hawk! The baby's mother, Amanda was so laid back and kind. Especially for a new Mum! Thanks Amanda, Little JJ is beautiful! AND you are doing SO well as a new Mum!
Micah will also be a great help too. He already is a great help to me and I am so proud of him. Of course it will be a lot of work with three kids four and under. But he has his jurisdictions like taking rubbish out to the bin and taking clothes off the clothes horse which I now use all the time, rather than the clothes line. I learned about calling house work 'jurisdictions' from the Duggar family. I love this name as it sounds better than chores. I explain it to Micah that we all have our areas of responsibility in the house to work in. We all work together as 'Team Soehnlin'.
The Duggars show of 19 kids and Counting and the two books that they have written continue to inspire me. They are a Christian homeschooling family who love the Lord and think of their show as a ministry. If they can get a family of 20 (their eldest Josh is married with a family of his own) to keep a house running smoothly than I think they are worth learning from! Thanks Duggars! Your family is such an encouragement to our family.
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| He is still a bit short but he can do it! |
Psalm 127: 3 'Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Thank You dear Father for my precious 3rd child on the way, what a precious little gift you have given me. One I am eternally grateful for.
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